When your soul is heavy
and your knees weak;
when you know what it is to be a wailing woman (Jeremiah 9:17-18)
or a man tearing his clothes in anguish;
when words cannot be formed to describe your heartbreak;
beyond the Bible there is only one other book
that makes sense of it all:
The Blessings of Brokenness
by Charles Stanley.
I was given this book by a vibrant, Latino woman,
It was 1.5 years after my husband left me and I was in search of my authentic self:
Who was I as a single woman, what were my dreams and aspirations;
who had I become and who was I now going to choose to be?
Staying in Michigan,
where my married life had been,
wasn't an option;
around every corner was a memory;
in order to let go, I had to let go!
Like a gypsy,
with no sense of home or roots,
I moved about to begin again;
Yolanda and I met in Philadelphia and became fast friends;
friends who prayed together,
helped one another,
and who mentored each other based upon our life's experiences and problems we faced.
Being left for another man,
(and, in most cases, the subsequent divorce that comes from it),
is worse than death.
Within divorce and betrayal you are left to question everything:
Was any of it real?
Were you ever truly loved by your spouse?
There is no certainty;
the life you thought you had,
the spouse you cherished,
may never have loved you at all;
a charade built upon, and around, lies.
on the other hand,
but the bond of love forever remains.
You have become one and forever will be;
a piece of you is missing
but not for eternity,
your souls will find each other again.
Regardless of how loss comes,
regardless of how you hit rock bottom,
regardless of how you find yourself curled up in a fetal position,
weighed down by sorrow;
you've been broken.
This is at once both bad and good news combined!
The blessing in the midst of all the broken glass,
that threatens to continually rip open your wounds?
A reliance upon God like nothing you've experienced before
and a closeness to Him that's palpable.
You have been ushered into His presence,
He is sheltering you under His wing;
You are being molded and fashioned,
built-up and strengthened;
you are being made new.
Pain beyond measure?
the other side of brokenness is a mended heart,
the scars remain,
you've been forever changed;
but the scars only serve to remind you of what you've lived through,
of God's goodness.
Embrace your testimony,
the new life you've been given;
give thanks through it all
(even when a grateful heart is hard to fathom)
and use your trail, of brokenness to healing, to help others find their way.
Life will be different
but it will be good again.
Giving my all to raise you up!